18.05.11

sign of life ??

Unbelieveable ... my last blog was over 2 months ago. What had happened so far?  
Well - a lot!


First of all, Im enjoying my life here in New Zealand as much as i can. There are so many things to do, to have fun with. People who enrich me in so many ways, adventures which help me grow up, circumstances i have to deal with.


Am i doing what i want to do? - Yes
Do i have any regrets about things i did? - No










Sometimes i get messages from home which say that i should get more in contact with my beloved back home. That i am actually going back there - live with all the people again. That some people expect something from me. And that's it. Expectations.

Everybody wants you to be. 





There are no expectations for me in NZ. Im just living. Doing what i want. I'm telling the people i love when i feel telling them.











Expectations. Everybody has a fixed picture from you in his mind. The girl with the blonde, curly hair. Always nice, neat, polite, good at school - does what the society expects her to do.











And thats the huge difference between the NZ-Barbara and the Austrian-Barbara. I kinda feel that i changed a bit here. Developed my personality, learned how to take care of myself, managed my daily routine
- be alone.












I just can recommend the feeling of freedome. 
Start over new again. 
Be who you actually are 

- no masks, no fake personality, no wannabe.









Learning that people who are worth being your friend like you as you are.
Appreciate you as you are.
Love you as you are.

And thats one big step i experienced -






it doesnt matter,

who you are,
where you come from,
what language you speak,
what you look like,
what make up you are wearing,
if you are actually wearing make up
- nobody cares.

People dont judge u what u look like.





People accept you - are friendly, help each other.


And that is what i miss a lill bit in my society back home. People judge you all the time, everyday.




OMG. Look what she is wearing today??!! 
With whom is HE going out?
Oi, her make up is completely smudged from dancing!







Ever thought about that the person doesn't care?










Maybe she is wearing what she wants to wear. Where she feels comfortable in it.
Maybe it's his own decision with what girl he is going out.
Maybe she doesnt really care about her makeup - cause she was having fun on the dancefloor.





Maybe you should stop judging, putting borders into your life and start living aswell? Because doing what others want you to do is even more exhausting than living your life - and not half as much fun :D




What I am gonna do now?
Im doing what i should have done a long time ago.
My mails.


Because sometimes your loved ones tell you things to help you. After all i cant flee from my society -I just can bring some of the New Zealand way of life to Austria. I know that I am not gonna change when Im back home. I see my life from a different angle right now and i will keep that.









U should try living as you want to. It's worth every moment!